Sunday, October 27, 2013

How President Q Got His Groove Back

It's a heart-warming tale of a stolen bicycle being replaced by a new, fancier bicycle. Notice the Christmas morning look on his face. Is it dusty in here?

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Baltimore: City of Brick and Aluminum Siding

Mr. Henry, my 8th grade American history teacher, would spit with anger at me telling locals how excited I was to see the USS Constitution. In fact, the ship is the USS Constellation.

This is an old city. The churches here are older than God. 

Friday, October 18, 2013

Doing the best that you can

The bathroom for Klaus' apartment is actually separate from the unit, and is located in the building's main hallway. Often the door is left open. Tonight, this is view from the lobby.
I ran into my neighbor Klaus* this morning, 20-something urban hillbilly with thick glasses, mustache, and an amiable outlook on life.

Sitting on the back steps, splayed out as though posing for a Fruit of the Loom advertisement yet dressed fully in an oversized ensemble of camouflage fatigues, he puffed casually from a poorly rolled joint.

Nothing about him communicated “up tight” or “judgmental.” He cut the ribsy figure of a post-survivalist Lebowski, a near-sighted Dale Gribble on Xanax, digging the shit-strewn moral wasteland that is a University District alley. His camouflage didn't match – trousers were woodland camo, coat was MultiCam camo – but he didn't seem to care.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Fog before glory

Hey, Queen Anne, down in front!
Here is a picture taken by Steph on a recent morning, showing the view of downtown from a high vantage in Magnolia.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Waiting for the silvers to rise

Far away as Jupiter's sulphur mines

This is how a robot sees the stars

Nights like tonight are the best. Cold enough to compel the suckers to think twice, cold enough to require long sleeves, but not frigid, not yet. A water main broke beneath the 45th Street viaduct, ejaculating fluid everywhere, making a complete mess. The Burke Gilman is unaffected.

Monday, October 7, 2013

I Make It Rain!

Sheltered by a Central District tree, where I almost turned around
The second I walked outside, at 11 p.m., the rain started. It had been dry, warm and sunny all day.

I listened to Metallica, Black Sabbath, and Wolfmother.

By the time I made it to the Central District, I was wet. Waiting beneath a tree, I watched the rain for a reprieve. None was forthcoming. I started back north, chickening out, then thought better of it, chickening out on chickening out, and turned around. A made it a block, then turned around again. I must have done this a couple more times, chickening out over and over, before finally asking myself, 'What else do I have to do?' So I continued south.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Fifth Anniversary Ride Is Nigh! RSVP today!

Poster by Stevie VanBronkhorst
In order to join the ride, you must know where riders will congregate. To learn this valuable information, send a missive with your email and expected number of riders via the grievance form to your right. Then hold on to your pants. Hold them tight.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Pinks are running

blood and guts
It takes a few good whacks on the noggin to stun them, flopping and gasping on the rutty concrete. dozens of splotches of blood, where each one met their end.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Rattle Cans and Toys: A deadly combination

The lovely Nikki - Photo by Nick - Aug. 2011

They finally did it. Lasting a brief two years, the artwork Steve nailed to the side of his garage has been thoroughly ruined.

Friday, August 30, 2013

They stole his bike, and broke his heart

You will be missed, Bottom Bitch

Mr. Q's trusty bike, a 2004 Giant OCR 2, was stolen Tuesday from outside his office near Northgate.

Mr. Q has other bikes, but in a sense, he had one bike. He has a bike available to ride in his backyard shed, but in a sense, now the shed is empty of bikes. He is the president of Seattle's most venerable night riding union, without a bike upon which to night ride. He is like the Lone Ranger without Silver, or Burt Reynolds without his mustache. He called it "My Bottom Bitch," or "Bottom B" for short. Now he has no bottom bitch, and what is a pimp without a bottom bitch?

That bike accompanied El Presidente on every mission he participated in and led, except one. We are talking thousands and thousands of miles. All of his discoveries, all of his foggy memories, were made aboard that bike. He wrecked it countless times, and it was upon that gun metal that he suffered the Big Wreck, when he busted his front teeth, messed up his ribs and knee.

It's true that the Giant had been making mysterious creaking noises recently, and that on close inspection, the frame displayed many war wounds. However, this summer he replaced the entire drivetrain, a costly process which reaffirmed his commitment to the OCR, and strengthened the sacred bond between night rider and the thing the night rider rides.

“It just feels good,” he said at the time.

And now, calamity.

Although the chances of recovering it are slim, the union urges all members to keep their eyes peeled. Anybody with information on Mr. Q's bike is urged to contact the union using the message box on the right of the blog page.

Distinguishing Features

Size: Medium

Shifters: Right - Tiagra; Left - 105

Drivetrain: recently installed Sora

Decals: On the headtube is a sticker of a tiger leaping forward.

Not Bottom B, but just like it

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Rain in August and the Bus Stop to Hell

If you don't move the burned out meth trailer you abandoned near the elementary school the city is going to tow it.
Rain fell in a mist the whole ride back to the northside. Despite the calender, and the humidity, I fear our sweet sweet summer is flagging. At approximately 1:24 a.m., as I began the descent from White Center to the First Avenue Bridge, I spotted a topless woman on the sidewalk.

She was walking through the hood, 9th Ave SW, bearing her breasts for all to see, if there had been anyone else to see besides me. She was not a small woman, nor were her breasts small.

I had to stare at them for a few seconds, look real hard, not out of some lascivious curiosity, but because I was tired and high and didnt believe my eyeballs. She saw me looking.

I nodded at her. In response, she gave me a thumbs up.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

White center to renton to u district ballers

From and the annals, no, bowels, of Tukwila
Reid's first night ride. he insisted on beer, but he partook in a snack cake, and was not unimpressed.

El camino hacia el corizon de centro blanco

The next hipster to look me in the eye and then step in front of my bike may get some colorful language.

I was born a coal miner's daughter

Rainier Beach
Renton Coal Mine Road South is its name, and it's not easy to find. rightly so. it rides up Skyway's ass like a thong, and junctions with MONSTER ROAD, and leads into renton.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The River and the Ferris Wheel

Jeremiah and I met on the waterfront, and shared a brownie
Scouting new routes on the other side of the river, looking for a monster. A Monster Road. The path may prove too monstrous, it may taunt us, it may get judgemental. But our journey follows the path of safety. Thats why we are chasing geese in the middle of the night. We are bigger and smarter than them.

Little ride to the south side

Waiting on the BNSF

Monday, August 19, 2013

Ridin' Dirty - the mouse fairs best by staying coool

As we cannonballed lime-a-rita and dro at the scrap pile, the train of dumpsters next to us began moving. A worker trod nearby, talking into a radio, "I don't know how to turn that switch," he said. The man driving the train gave him instructions, which sounded like sea lion chatter. Like a ninja tag team, Mr. Q and I sprang into Code Blue, completed an ocular sweep and inventoried our surroundings, and while we waited, taking evasive action, we finished off the lime-a-rita. Nobody knew we were there, watching from the shadows, except for a moon hiding behind mazy clouds

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Fantasy Trek Upon Centennial Trail One Fine Day & the Madness & the Amiability of Northern Souls

Good blackberries here in Snohomish
Woke up late, so I pulled an audible on the Tacoma-to-Bremerton play, and instead hopped the Sound Transit 510 to Everett.

Stole out along the river, sun shining, sky empty of clouds. This summer has spoiled me. I wear shorts and a t-shirt, and don't even think about bringing gloves.

Snohomish's Grill? Yes I Am All Up In It

The road to the city of snohomish curls along the river, and smells sweet like dairy dung, and occasionally decay from a carcas concealed by the tall grass. I turned back to snap this photo, it reminded me of a video game.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Best. July. Ever.

Once I start partying, the swim trunks come off

So much day riding in July
so much bliss
so much begrudging other cyclists their right to exist.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Ridin' Dirty - do you wam ish?

Made it to the south park stop n' rob with minutes to spare. now sitting beside the river, discovering that green apple four loko isnt so bad. at what point does the duwamish river become the green river? and does it feel different?

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Ridin' Dirty - Long as I can see the light

Beacon hill's view includes the skyline, both mountain ranges, the ferries, and the wonder bread sign floating above the central district.

Friday, July 26, 2013

It's been a good summer

Profiteering attempt during heat wave, poorly executed - July, 2013
Nighttime heat waves may be on the rise. You're welcome.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Chicago bike share passes the stoned cyclist test

Chicago started its bike share program, Divvy, in July, and it went over like a fixed election.

All over downtown, tourists can be seen helmetless on the blue bikes, clumsily getting in the way.

Seattle is moving on a similar program. Will it harm bike rental shops? Will our helmet law put a damper on the fun? Will our hills and hair-raising thoroughfares prove too intimidating?

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Everett day ridin' - try to get it before it gets you

On the banks of the snohomish, eating a sandwich and waiting for the sun, watched a dog-sized creature thrash in the water upriverr 100 yards. what is it? a shark? and aligator? a shark wrestling with an aligator? an otter doing yoga? it could be anything, that's what makes everett such a magical place.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Ridin Dirty - It's a pretty good rain

Dim the house candles for the lightning, over renton, under an arm pit nook of interstate 5,waiting out the rain in the dark. With the bats, and the lightning, can a body rightfully protest? sometimes,when a heavy truck is passing overhead, and a wave of thunder rolls up the duwamish, one must have young ears to discern which is which.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Monday, July 1, 2013

Long time, no post.

John Pepys here.  Early in the summer here in 2013, I've been doing more night riding than ever.  Yet it's been a long while since I've actually taken the initiative to post here.  But tonight was a special case.  In addition to my logging a short solo ride down to Harbor Island and back, Secretary Gentle had tasked me with a mission.

Now, the details of the mission were (and remain) classified, so I can't discuss the specifics here.  Suffice it to say, it involved a fair amount of intoxicants, as well as a handful of daring, quasi-legal acts.  While the Union and its staff would never advocate, condone, or endorse a wanton disregard for the laws of the Sovereign State of Washington, a slight bending of the law can be tolerated when such acts are deemed essential for the advancement of the Union and its members.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Gay Ride - georgiatown

Underneath I-5
The highest court, and they are often high, struck down DOMA, and now not only is marriage equality a little less murky in some places, its a whole lot brighter here in wash state. as beth q might say: 'giving my yays to the gays!'

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Seattle Rules, Portland Stinks

Ship Canal Trail connection to Interbay: totally awesome
As can be expected in a town that attracts transplants, and with our cultural fascination with "data" and comparing ourselves to others, Seattle often gets compared to other cities, and often enough, doesn't measure up.

We don't have a nightlife, Eastcoasters say.

It's cold, Southerners say.

It's unfriendly, Midwesterners say.

It's gloomy, Californians say.

These are all good points. In fact, complaining is justified when trying to get a decent dinner at 10 p.m. in February while cruising for chicks in nothing but a diaphanous dashiki.

Of course, Oregonians have a lot to say, and there are a lot of them, as we have an economy that isn't based on trust funds and dreadlock technology.* Despite our differences, and despite the Oregon Ducks, we tolerate our southern neighbor because we need them just as much as they need us. They provide our cardigan factories with a cheap source of beard hair, and having Portland so close helps Seattle's reputation. Next to the creepy homogeneity of Portland, we come across as cosmopolitan and friendly.

But because we are very much alike -- speak the same language, worship the same gods, etc. -- Portlandingers are left to complain about cycling in Seattle. Because Portland, if you haven't heard, is bikable. It's common knowledge.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Welcome to the I-90 bike tunnel, brah

Its raining here, summer storm, started in factoria, right after we arrived. Called off ride, went to memo's. About 35 mi.

Ridin' Dirty - north lake loop aborted

Once again, porn bridge leaves us satisfied. north lake loop, 1st time in a while. Its raining pretty hard here at the bridge of porn.- President Q

on the origins of porno bridge: it could be teenagers. some kid who works at 7-11, or safeway, and has access to a photocopier. its probably not a woman. im 90 % sure its a dude. it could be a perv.

right now, waiting out the rain. two pieces of porn when we arrived. there will be three when we leave.

Monday, June 17, 2013

To all you skeet skeet motherfuckers

father's day. did you call your dad today? Teens did a grab and run from the 7-11. an 18 pack. the clerk gave the dispatcher a generic description of a white, young white suburban white male.

it's nothing but a headache for the clerk. so much paperwork. But worst of all are the questions, with their implications about his manhood. Why didn't you try to stop them?

"i'm not allowed to stop anybody from leaving the store," he said.

cops flooded the zone, the one place the beer thieves would not likely be. shoreline police drive black and white cars. they dont give a damn about the three foot rule. bombed perkins ... or is it gilman?

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Water water everywhere

If a little rain falls in June, run. And hands off of the tourists when chilling on the waterfront. they help keep the lights on.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

They ride single file to hide their numbers

Interlock'n,beacon hill, rainer beach. at seward park, we watched as the wind blew a ghost yacht out to sea.

A figure eight!

Friday, June 7, 2013

Save the Date! - Night Riders Union of Seattle to Celebrate Fifth Anniversary Sept. 28

shit yeah
Contact: Sec. Bobby Gentle

  Night Riders Union of Seattle to Celebrate Fifth Anniversary

To commemorate Seattle's only union for night riders, the Night Riders Union of Seattle will mark its fifth anniversary with a special event Saturday, Sept. 28, 2013.

The union's Celebration Committee is currently taking suggestions on what kind of special event should be held.

"Right now the conversation has not shifted far from suggestions for taking a ride, maybe at night, maybe on pot brownies," said Committee Chairwoman Connie Swails. "It's wide open."

Suggestions can be sent to:, or by using the union grievance form on the website.

Although September weather tends to be drier than the rest of the year, union officials said the special event will take place rain or moon shine.

The day marks one of the first official night rides in 2008, although the date of the original night ride is not known. That is, the people who were there can't remember what day it was.

"It was a different time back then, more innocent," Swails said. "People hated Republicans again, the Lusty Lady was entertaining folks for mere pocket change, and anybody could get a home loan, be you a stripper, a welfare cheat, or a newspaper reporter."

Swails also indicated that the union's private cellar of vintage alcopops, including those produced before the ban on caffeinated beverages, would be available for new member induction ceremonies.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Ridin' Dirty - a fingerless kind of night

Lance David --Dec. 19, 1958 to May 1, 2013

Thirty miles of blunts and brownies, 15 more to go. Bar time at the Fourth Avenue Subway, Wednesday night, INXS' "New Sensation" is playing over the speakers. A young drunk woman in a skirt keeps slapping her male companion, who keeps promising he is going to do something about it. "Woman!" he says.

Another drunk woman, younger still, stumbles into the women's room in bare feet and says, "You're an angel," to the gnomish sandwich artist.