Sunday, November 27, 2016

Burma Road in the cold and rain

Here lies a lucky, long-lived gill-lung'd creature of the deep, which returned to its hometown for the holidays hoping to hump and die.

I found this fish, and others, ignorant to their own glory and grotesqueness, on the banks of Rendsland Creek as it flowed into the Hood Canal.

This time of year we get to see them, finally, the heartiest and horniest, which have up till now only shown us their backs underwater.

I grew up near the Cedar River and marveled at the water in fall. So many fish, just trying to get laid and die. Lewis and Clark refused to eat them, and instead ate their dogs and starved. If they caught any salmon themselves, they traded then to the natives for the village dogs and ate them. Idiots. 

Rode the Burma Road today. Intermittent rain, until the last 15 miles when it poured, which was cold af. 

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Lost Highway in the rain, again

Riding on Highway 3 in the rain to Old Belfair Road is scary, several degrees scarier than crossing the Ballard Bridge, as scary, maybe scarier, as Highway 1 in August. 

Caught up to a bike tourer, on his way to San Diego by way of Belfair. Cool guy. Split ways at Bear Creek.

I hope to take a nice dry ride again some day. 

Passed this freighter a couple weeks ago. Looks like it hit some rough waters.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Rainy day ride to the south side

They hate us cuz they ain't us
Baby not included
South Park

Sunday, October 23, 2016

A Very Pornobomber Halloween

Southern looooop. I call this, 'mensroom at gene coulon park.' If the behavior is wanted, I guess it's cool. 
We had fresh porn waiting for us at porno bridge, spookier than usual, as our secret sharer kept with the spirit of the season.
Scary clowns are a big deal these days. He's staying fresh, riding trends.
Actually scary was watching mr Q go down right in front of me. Just some scrapes and scratches. Phew. 
The real October surprise.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Columbia River GORGEous

On Sunday we go Portland to Gresham via Joe TriMetRO, then on to Hood River. Hopefully this wasn't the last bike adventure of the summer of 2016. 
All sorts of waterfalls, earth just peeing all over itself basically. So beautiful!
There was this thing. Much easier going down than up. 
Mosier tunnel. Oregon has been completing lots of projects on the route, including bike trails. Riding on I-84 is tolerable, though, because you make good time. 
We were lucky for having crappy weather. Sometimes the clouds got so dark it felt like sundown, other times we could see blue skies in the distance, but couldn't pedal fast enough to reach them. For a few fleeting moments the sun shined. No tents, got a room and kicked it like player outlaws on the lam, smoking pot and watching reality TV.
We never got caught in the pouring rain for long. Pretty great timing on the tunnels. On the ride back to Portland on TuesdayI put on my rain pants after Cascade Locks to ensure it would stop raining for the rest of the day.
Drank a lot of beer in Hood River. Really good beer. They have a really cool bookstore there as well. Plus, Pietro's Pizza. Old school Portland. Didn't make it to The Dalles, nor across the river to the Washington side. Kept it Oregon Trill.*

*trill = a portmanteau for 'true' and 'real'

Sunday, September 25, 2016

8th anniversary ride

Poured some beer out for Handsome Jack while at the scrap pile.
Jack wrecked here once, biffed it against this curb. No helmet. He was fine. 
Do it, coward
Weather: eeeeexcellent
Harbor illsand

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Pornobomber sighting

Cristina spotted his handiwork yesterday. She said there was more than this one (she said there was lots).

Sunday, September 11, 2016


I thought about this all day

Quilcene to Dosewallips, merrily merrily merrily

Life is but a dream 
I'm going to miss the woods at the end of summer, which ended some time in June. 

Monday, September 5, 2016

Ridin' Dirty - night ride to marrrrymemoore

Labor Day weekend was a bit of a bummer, what with the weather and what have you. But we western Washingtonians made the most of it. 
Rode up to the velodrome and back. First night ride in a long time. Too long. 

Disembowled slug on my bike

Dead train bum

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Deep Kitsap Peninsula Penetration

On Sunday I tried to find a central route from the east shore of hood canal, where Redsland Creek cuts in front of the start of the Burma Road, all the way to the Lost Highway, and beyond. Despite what the maps say, I couldn't find anything. I even talked to locals, who claimed there was a road, but it got shut down 15 years ago and is now impassable and cut off by private property. Doubling back to the Tahuya River, I climbed up Belfair Tahuya road and cut in at Bald Point Vista. even though I log jammed in some other circuitous spurs with some less than optimal riding surfaces, I eventually found my way back to the road, some dirt, and then on to the Lost Highway. I should have tried to find the logging roads connecting to the east shore and ridden them back to Redsland to see where I popped out. I even thought about it when I was there. Dropped down effendahl pass through the Tahuya state forest.
Tahuya think you're talking to, bub?
In August this lake apparently dries up
Did not see another soul behind the fences. 
One of the lakes. Can't remember which one. There are a number of lakes in the Kitsap hinterlands, and they all have names. 
Some of the logging roads were tough to ride, like this one 
Bought a little cooler, had frosty beers and cold hummus in the bush. Like a civilized motherfucker. 
Piece in the mensroom of a downtown Bremerton bar. 
Detail from Judge Dred, the best law and justice themed pinball game
I'm a fan of rap music, I love rap music, but I went to see Macklemore in concert anyway because he played in the Paris of Kitsap County.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Chores Ride Chores Bed - Olympic Peninsula Loop debrief

Beach 2, La Push
Last week I rode my bike around the Olympic Peninsula in Washington state, mostly on Highway 101, but also on some logging roads. Here are some of things I thought. 

-I love riding alone, I love riding with friends. I think I love riding with friends more. 

-Less than 300 miles. It wasn't very hard at all. Kind of felt like a slacker. Only steep climbs that presented big challenges were on the forest service roads, and that was mostly because of gravel.

Shortest day: 15 miles, forks to la push
Longest day: 70 miles, kalaloch to wynoochee 
Bear shit: lots
Queets River

Tthere is a lot of natural beauty on the peninsula. That natural beauty can be found on the public transit bus too. The unhinged woman clutching the stuffed animal as though it was a living service animal telling dick jokes to the man with the softball sized neck goiter all the while upsetting the drunk woodsman who complained to the bus driver and told his fellow passengers to 'knock that shit off' were all very beautiful and natural. 
-Witnessing the Sunday morning walk of shame from second beach at la push was one of the lowlights of the summer. I hate to say it, but maybe national parks needs to ban overnight camping there, or limit it somehow with a lotto. People right now are getting bent out of shape over some navy airplane noise above the park - which I heard while I was there and agree shouldn't be allowed, no doubt - but the bigger threat to the 'pure' nature experience and public health has got to be turning one of the state's most beautiful places into an open toilet. That said, I had a fire, hung out with a friend, got drunk, wandered around in the surf and wore beach two sand for days. So I'm just as guilty. 
Beach 2, La Push

-Getting off the highway shoulder and into the woods (kisses fingers) the best decision of the ride. What struck me was how vague the maps were when the road, tho narrow in places, was well developed and fit to be ridden by a president.

-Saw a lot of bear shit on the 22/23 road.
Kalaloch Campground

-The paranoia and pissyness of western Washingtonians seems to be greater than their eastern counterparts. Also, you see more wildlife in the east. On the peninsula this go round I saw only a tame doe and her tame fawn hanging around the pay station at Fort Flagler. 

-The hornets get aggressive this time of year, late summer early fall, out foraging and fucking shit up. On the 23 I stopped for some sardines and chill and almost immediately was accosted by some big, mean looking hornets. Shy of an inch in length. At that size you can really make out the detail of these fearsome creatures, straight out of the depths of the forest primeval. I swatted at them, told them to back the f up, used a water bottle to bat them away, which made a very satisfying sound. The hornets fled and knew who was boss. Having solved that problem with brute force, I set about my business. Little did I know, I had underestimated my new horny adversaries. within seconds twice, three times as many hornets were up in my face, seeming to say, oh hell no. Break yourself, fool!- I gathered my stuff, quickly, like i was fleeing a cartoonish cloud of enraged hornets, which I was, and ran away, never eating my sardines. 

- Spent two nights on the foggy coast, much of it without shoes, and saw only brief glimpses of the sun. I love the sun.
Beach 2, La Push

-Mac and cheese, the good kind, with the sauce packet, and a package of tuna fish, is such a satisfying dinner. It takes away a lot of weight from the luggage, bonus! This was the best meal of the trip. Even better than beach hot dogs. God it was great.
Forest Service Road 22

-Returning to real life is tough. It's so much more complicated.

-Here is a map of the route of Forest Service roads 22 and 23
-I still want to eat everything. I'm so hungry all of the time!


Because of the remoteness of the peninsula, riding solo, and spending six nights in a tent without access to battery recharging facilities, jams were a real luxury. A luxury worth cannibalizing my head lamp and rear bike light. Nothing like jams gooses your morale, makes dinner by headlamp feel extra fancy, or helps on grueling climbs while on your sixth hour in the saddle.

'Panda' by Desiigner
-last summer had so many sweet jams. This summer has not really had many except this one. Hope you killas understand me. 

-'beyond the sea' and 'mac the knife' by Bobby Darin
 I'm into Darin, but only his nautical themed work. 'Ya know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe/
Scarlet billows start to spread'

-60s garage, like '96 tears' by Question Mark and the Mysterians, the gentrys, Danny and he juniors. If it's about a specific kind of dance or dancin' lady or taking a double shot of my baby's love, I'm into it. Surfin' Bird. 

-FM stuff, stuff you wouldn't know the band or the name of the song, but you know some of the lyrics. 'Judy in Disguise,' 'I love you more today than yesterday,' 'sweet city woman' (And she sing in the evening/Old, familiar tunes/And she feeds me love and tenderness and macaroons), 'express yourself' oh and the list goes on. 

-'the perfect way' by scritti politi 

-'alive and kicking' simple minds 

- the Weeknd, pretty much whatever. He's R & B for depressed devil worshippers. 'It's like eviction number four now / Go 'head and ash it on the floor now'

-creedence, man. - CCR on the dirt and lesser trafficked roadways 

-Mrs Officer - by Lil Wayne. I know you wish ya name was Mrs. Carter, huh?