Monday, December 5, 2011

For Immediate Release - Active membership at all time low

i'm not angry, just disappointed
SEATTLE -- Active membership in the Night Riders Union of Seattle has dipped to a historic low and could fall all the way to zero before the end of the year.

AWOL riders, increasingly cold and soon to be wet weather and injuries have left the night streets of Seattle unmolested. Hills are being left unbombed. Alcopops are not being ingested. Virgin reaches of the Puget Sound region are going unconquered and women in revealing night club attire are not being ogled. Experts expect recovery will be slow and boring and also annoying.

To maintain good standing status, members must complete a 25-mile night ride with another member every month.

Only two injuries have been reported among members in good standing, but considering there were only three members in good standing to begin with, that amounts to more than a 60 percent drop in active membership.

Jeremiah, the remaining healthy night rider, hasn't reported any missions. And if even if he did, it wouldn't be an official ride without being accompanied by another union member.

But that may not be true for long, said Armand Tanzarian, spokesman for the union's Judicial Committee. Jeremiah could change the night ride requirement that at least two members be present. Just like that.

"And he wouldn't have to tell anybody. It is possible he already has. You should call him before sending out your press release," Tanzarian said.

Tanzarian noted that union bylaws allow any member to change the bylaws for any reason.

"But nobody does. Why? Because nobody follows them anyway."

1 comment:

  1. You're a really good writer when u have other work to do.