Monday, April 26, 2010

Ridin' Dirty - South Lake Washington Loop Night Ride

Why not?

The last hit in a pipe or a bong, the least nutritious hit, the opposite of a green hit -- what some might call the 'ass hit,' as in: "I pass on ass" -- is sometimes, and in some circles, referred to as the "Renton hit."

I recently heard about this colloquialism, about people comparing Renton to the least desirable turn at the mic. These people, those who were using this turn of slang, aren't from Renton.

At first I was amused, then a little insulted. My hometown pride was bruised, bruised as an underage Renton hooker.

It makes sense, I know, despite my sensitivity. Renton is at the bottom of Seattle, hugging the big city's ass like a comfy pair of sweatpants.

It's also kind of a crappy place to live, or be, for that matter, for any period of time.

That isn't to say Renton is all bad, or that it doesn't have positive attributes, which I'm sure the chamber of commerce could tell you all about.

Moon over Skyway

It's not great, but it's home, in many ways, still.

And that's why I like night riding to Renton, because it brings back fond memories. And not so fond memories.

 I heard it pop

In front of this apartment building, when I was 13, I broke my leg jumping down the flight of stairs, trying to escape a coked-out vigilante, and was then arrested for stealing hood ornaments.

But that's Renton, the bad and the lame and the good and then some more lame.

No Fucking Shit!

We scooted down through Tukwila, elbowed our way in Renton, then mobbed up into Bellevue. Don't remember a lot of it, funny enough.

On a completely different subject, the highlight of the night was our discovery, at a South Park minimart, of this monstrosity: the CORE 32-ounce grape-flavored 'El Jefe."

As Mr. Q put it: "That's almost a forty!"

In addition to having 11 percent alcohol content, a point the can's aggressive design makes obvious, CORE High Gravity "El Jefe" grape is effing delicious. It strokes the palate like carbonated children's cough syrup, utterly bereft of a chemically aftertaste as well as the disheartening flavor of wine, so common among alcopops.

Here's what the can says, in addition the boastful horror show of stimulative additives:

CORE High Gravity
"El Jefe" Grape flavor is 
true to its translation. We 
spent the time in our 
mix-lab and dialed in this 
excellent grape flavor. 
Then we put it in the 
biggest can we could
find ... what we call the 
"El Jefe" - 32oz can. 
CORE High Gravity 
"El Jefe" is the real deal 
and true to the CORE. 
Respect the CORE ... and 
always Drink CORE 

 Don't judge me, I could be you

I wonder if there is a way to drink a beverage called CORE responsibly? Isn't it, by definition, irresponsible to put something like this into your body?

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